2013 NHL Playoffs Preview - This Year’s First Round Upset

The best thing about the first round of the NHL playoffs is that there are multiple games of high intensity hockey on every night. Also, there is always one major upset that embarrasses multitudes of pundits and players alike.

Every year, a team that is highly superior by both talent and quality and lauded by analysts as the strong favourites, falls calamously to a weaker rival.

These heavy favourites who bow out to their inferior opponents are later described as having choked, folded under pressure, lacking heart, lacking desire, lacking drive, or as the French would say, shitting the bed.

The surprising winners however, are later epitomized as the year’s ‘Cinderella’ team (I wish there was a better analogy for this. I can appreciate that the Cinderella theme indicates a protagonist who accomplishes something extraordinary against all odds, but I just don’t think it’s appropriate to associate Disney princesses with sports).  

In most cases, these underdogs (a much better analogy in my mind) proceed deep into the playoffs driven by the priceless momentum they gather in eliminating a stronger foe, while everyone expected them to falter and be an easy stepping stone into later rounds. They acquire a ‘nothing to lose’ attitude making them incredibly difficult to play against as they become the ‘dark horse’ of the tournament – yet another sports analogy that’s is often used but rarely explained.

Last year’s ‘Cinderella’ team, or dark horse if you will, was the eighth seeded Los Angeles Kings who beat the heavily favoured first seeded Vancouver Canucks in the first round, on their way to winning the Stanley Cup against the New Jersey Devils.

I predict that this year’s dark horse, or team most like a Disney princess, will be the Toronto Maple Leafs.

The Leafs head into their first post-season in 9 years as underdogs against the heavily favoured Boston Bruins.

Boston are being touted by the vast majority of news outlets, hockey analysts, and pretty much everyone outside Toronto without a vested interest in the Leafs, as the heavy favourites to advance from this opening round series for several reasons.

The Bruins beat the Leafs in this season’s head-to-head 3 games to 1, outscoring Toronto 10-7. In fact, the Leafs have been dismal over the last three years against Boston, winning at the TD Center only a couple of times and being heavily dominated in every stat throughout that duration.

The Bruins are also stronger on paper in every position.

To begin with, Tuuka Rask is deemed a better goalie than the unproven James Reimer, even though the latter has been hot of late and has shown solid consistency throughout the year.

Boston’s defence edges Toronto’s blue line core with the mere presence of gargantuan, perennial Norris Trophy candidate Zdeno Chara who also looks like ‘My Giant’ star and former Washington Bullets center – Gheorge Muresan.

Up front, the Bruins outnumber their counterparts in skill, speed, and power with the likes of Milan Lucic, Patrice Bergeron, Tyler Seguin, Jaromir Jagr, Brad Marchand, and David Krejci.

Although the Leafs have shown a surprising amount of offensive flair this year, their depth throughout 4 lines does not match that of the Bruins. It must also be noted that since being traded from Boston to Toronto, Phil Kessel – arguably the Leafs most potent forward – has performed horrendously against his former club, scoring 3 goals with 6 assists against them in 22 games, giving him the perfect opportunity to stick it to his former employers, or to simply not surprise anyone and continue his crappy play against the Bruins.

Arguably the largest obstacle facing the Leafs is their lack of playoff experience.

The Leafs bolster a relatively young, inexperienced squad where the majority hasn’t even had the chance to get nervous before a post-season game.

The Bruins on the other hand, are entering the 2013 post-season with the core of their 2011 Stanley Cup winning team still in-tact – they know the level of intensity that is necessary; they know what type of emotion to expect; they know what it takes to win.

However, like in many cases, when a team favours another so heavily, it is very easy to become dangerously complacent and unprepared.

The 2013 edition of the Toronto Maple Leafs is very different from the teams that Boston dominated the two prior seasons to this one. 2013 saw a much closer head-to-head matchup than previous years.

Moreover, what Toronto may lack in playoff experience, they may make up for in youth and drive. They are untested, yet hungry without much to lose – not unlike the aforementioned mystical ‘dark horse’.

This year they boast a physically dominating team who led the league in fighting majors and hits. They are a team who others don’t like to play against. This has not been the case with previous Leaf squads built around small forwards and defencemen who only hit the post-game buffet spread.

They may not be the NHL’s elite club, yet they are a team built around big bodies who like to be physical, play sound defense, and can still beat you with their speed and fast hands up front.

Though Boston may be the statistical favourites, this young and revamped Leafs team should not be so quickly discarded, not unlike a little servant who went on to prove all her enemies and naysayers wrong to become a princess. 

Watching Robin Van Persie Score a Hat Trick, the Best Goal of the Year, and Win the English Premiership With Manchester United Was the Equivalent to Being Given a Wet Willy and Then Punched in the Face

On April 22^nd, Robin Van Persie won his first title with Manchester United in a 3-0 win over Aston Villa at Old Trafford. He scored all three goals in the game, including an exquisite long-range volley that will feature in countless Youtube videos for years to come and undoubtedly be heralded as the goal of the season.

After the final whistle had been blown, Van Persie joyously celebrated along with his teammates, lifting the coveted EPL trophy for the first time in his career, and parading around the pitch proudly brandishing a black and red scarf that looked like it was knit in hell.

For Arsenal fans, this was the equivalent of being kicked in the sternum, punched in the stomach, slapped in the face with a wet hand, and then having old leftover food thrown at you while writhing on the ground in pain and humiliation.                                        

When Arsene Wenger sold Arsenal’s best player to rivals Manchester United in the summer of 2012, the initial assessment was that the ‘smarter than thou’ Frenchman had essentially conceded defeat and handed Man U the title.

The initial assessment was correct.

In selling Robin Van Persie, Wenger gave the red devils the EPL’s best striker to an already formidable team, and pretty much laid out a red carpet to Monday’s bullshit party in Manchester.

What has made Van Persie’s achievement with Man U even more difficult for the Gunners faithful, has been his impeccable performance throughout the year.

Van Persie has arguably played the best season of his career. He leads the Premiership in scoring and has been an offensive juggernaut for Man U, not only racking up goals with incredible technique, talent, and skill, but also setting them up beautifully and efficiently.

His simple presence on the roster instilled an amplified level of confidence in the whole team, helping them perform above what was originally expected of them this season. The best simply make those around them better. You take the best player in any league and put them on a good team, naturally everyone will believe they are initially better without even having played their first game.

Moreover, his superb movement and ability to read the game receives enhanced attention from all opposing defenders, opening space for everyone else to be successful. Ask anyone who played with him at Arsenal, I’m sure they will sourly tell you that with Robin on the team, there was much more room and time to run out of ideas before you pass it back to Per Matersacker and the defense play keep away and pose no offensive threat on their opponents while Wenger spills unmarked bottled water all over that hideous caterpillar jacket he wears, in exasperation.

Van Persie’s success also burns with the sting of a pissed off bee because Arsenal supporters were incredibly patient with him, and just as their patience was being rewarded with remarkable results, he was sold to the highest bidder.

In 8 seasons with the Gunners, Van Persie averaged 24 games a season, appearing in all games just once – his last year with Arsenal. Throughout his tenure with the North London club, Van Persie was oft injured and unavailable due to his long list of ailments. He was always exceptionally talented and played extremely well, it’s just that, he didn’t play that often. Yet fans waited anxiously and knew that when he stayed healthy he would show them their faith and allegiance was not in vein.

That year came, and he played a brand of football for the Gunners that hasn’t been seen from a striker since Theirry Henry left for the sunny beaches of Catalonia. He scored astounding goals, was a true leader, gave fans a new hope of a possible turnaround of fortunes, and then he left.

He joined a painfully long list of Arsenal players who were developed with patience and precision, played incredibly well once matured, and then went on to win silverware with teams with deeper pockets, or at least, more determination than Wenger and the crack staff of Arsenal’s board and ownership have shown.

Fundamentally, I am bitter that Van Persie won with another team, but I am not angry at him because he left. Football is a business like any other. Van Persie saw an opportunity to be successful with another organization and make more money. Anybody in a similar position in any other business would do the same. However if you’re an Arsenal supporter, it stings, and knowing Wenger and his associates’ brand of self-sufficiency and economics, their response will most likely be more frugality in the transfer market, or to once again, sell their best player this past season.

It doesn’t make sense, does it? Well neither does selling your best asset to your rivals and not replacing them. 

Barcelona Get Booted off Their Very High Pedestal – This Makes Me Very Happy

For several years now, I have been forced to watch Barcelona screw my beloved Arsenal over and over. Just like the cleverest of animals – the weasel – they have repeatedly encountered some kind of method to connovingly change the fortunes of North London’s most prestigious club. The list of their weasel-like ways begins at the turn of the century. 

In a swindling sign of things to come, the summer of 2000 saw Barcelona raid the Gunners for Emmanuel Petit and Marc Overmars – two players who were monumental to the Gunners double winning team in 97/98.

In 2003, after playing mediocre football for Arsenal, Giovanni Van Bronckhorst left for the Catalan coast and became one of the best left backs the cheating bastards have ever had.

In 2006, Barcelona beat Arsenal in the Champions League final in Paris, 2-1. Being finalists was no consolation. Like Diego Maradona once said, “Only the winners get to eat the sandwiches and drink the cokes after the game.” – at least, I think I read that he said that.  

If depriving Arsenal of European glory wasn’t enough, that summer they also bought Arsenal’s captain and modern icon, Thierry Henry.

In 2008, Barcelona yet again reached into their English pantry and yanked out a young starlet in Alexander Hleb. It helps a little that he stunk out the Nou Camp and is now back in his native Belarus, lining up for the high profile FC BATE Borisov.

In 2010, the teams met again in Europe’s most elite club competition. This time, the score wasn’t quite as close. Barcelona handily knocked Arsenal out of the Champions League in the quarters on a 6-3 aggregate.

In 2011, Barcelona yet again eliminated Arsenal, this time in the round of 16, aided by a very controversial second yellow card and resulting red to Robin Van Persie in the second leg. Many people might call it a curse. I call it cheating. There is no substance to my claims, nor is there evidence, but there is a hunch and a lot of anger.

Arguably the largest and most hurtful Catalan act of deceit came in the summer of 2011. After a long and dramatic campaign, Cesc Fabregas - Arsenal’s most prized asset and nucleus of the team at the time - was sold to his boyhood club and greeted with a hero’s welcome. A few weeks later, Cesc won his first trophy with his new club while Arsenal suffered one of their most humiliating defeats to Manchester United, falling 8-2 at Old Trafford.

Barca’s most recent ruffling of Arsene Wenger’s impeccable hair occurred in 2012 when Barcelona lured away Alex Song.

Song was pivotal in the little success Arsenal had in the previous season and his loss was met with reasonable disappointment. However, in his inaugural year for the Catalans he has played terribly and had the honor of being voted the worst signing of the year, so his departure to eastern Spain angers me less.

What makes the aforementioned list of Barca’s repeated attempts and successes at consistently pissing off every single Arsenal fan, is that Barcelona has gone on to play beautiful and pristine football, winning a shitload of trophies in the process. At one point they were even considered the best club team ever; they were untouchable; they performed to a level that was out of this world.

Last night, however, their asses were brought right back down to earth.

Bayern Munich beat Barcelona in the same manner the Catalans have been beating teams for several years now – being quicker, more tactical, more technical, smarter, and hungrier. Yet last night, it was Barcelona that was outplayed; it was Barcelona that was outworked; it was Barcelona that was embarrassed.

The Catalans still have a very strong team with a long list of very talented players. It should be noted that Messi was almost nonexistent due to his recent return from injury and that Barca enjoyed the majority of possession, however yesterday was not the first time they have shown signs of weakness this season. On several occasions, they have faltered; they haven’t shown the same resilience as seasons past; essentially, they just haven’t looked quite the same.

They’re still very good, but they’re not as good as they used to be – they’re missing something. Who knows, maybe it’s in New York with Pep. As an Arsenal supporter sick of seeing them win, I’m happy it’s gone and I hope they never find it. 

Luis Suarez Bites Defender – Why Does He Keep Doing Things That Make People Hate Him So Much?

Yesterday, Luis Suarez, Liverpool’s premier striker and starlet bizarrely bit Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic. He literally grabbed his arm as they jockeyed for position and bit him.

Even if you’re a devout Liverpool fan, you have to be wondering, what is wrong with this guy?

Although he is a formidable footballer and arguably one of the best and most talented strikers in the world, this is not the first time Suarez has made headlines for absurd behaviour. He entertainingly, and yet embarrassingly, has a pretty impressive resume when it comes to irrational and erratic choices on the field of play.

In the 2010 World Cup quarter final against Ghana, Suarez used his hand to swat the ball off the goal line in the dying moments, giving him an automatic red card. Ghana’s Asamoah Gyan missed the ensuing penalty. The game went to penalties and Uruguay won, advancing to the semis.

Suarez came under severe criticism for his deliberate handball, because it was perceived as unabashed unsportsmanlike conduct. Granted, for Ghana, it must have been an incredibly infuriating and sour way to be knocked out of the tournament, however, I’m sure Uruguayans were not complaining very much.

In a twisted context, you might even say what he did was quite patriotic; putting the nation’s honor and glory ahead of his own. In addition, football is self-characterized as a gentleman’s game – a gentleman’s game where every foul, injury, or breath on an opponent is embellished to the point of ridicule. They lie. When they dive and roll around in a way that children can’t even manage, they lie to the ref, the fans, the spectators, and I bet they even lie to themselves and become convinced that they really are injured and not just trying to gain a slight advantage by telling a little fib. For this reason, what he did in the world cup doesn’t really disturb me, but his rap sheet doesn’t end there.

Later on in 2010, while playing for Ajax, Suarez bit Otman Bakkal in the clavicle in a match against PSV Eindhoven, earning him the moniker, the “Cannibal of Ajax”. Personally, I would have went something more along the lines of ‘Luis Mouthstrong’ or ‘Hungry Hungry Luis’, but ‘Cannibal of Ajax’ is good too, I guess.

In a high profile match between heated rivals Manchester United and Liverpool in 2011, Suarez came under intense scrutiny when Man U defender Patrice Evra revealed that the Liverpool striker hurled racial slurs at him several times.

Suarez disappointed millions in a society trying to overcome racism, was suspended for 8 matches, and fined more money than I will probably make in two years.

Lastly, he has been notoriously identified as a shameless diver who repeatedly tries to draw penalties in the 18-yard box anytime he sees even a glimpse of an opportunity. What is worrying is that the heaviest condemnation has come from current players themselves. All footballers do it, yet it appears he does it so much and so shamelessly, that he has become a pariah on the pitch and anywhere outside Uruguay and Merseyside for his flagrant cheating.

Is he just really competitive? Crazy? Or hungry?

I think he’s really competitive but a little crazy. You can see his drive and determination when he plays, however I think he lacks a mental filter that most athletes possess.

All athletes are extremely competitive at heart with an unrelenting desire to win. I am generalizing here, as I’m sure there are many athletes who are happy to be mediocre but collect millions with little effort and lots of time on the treatment table. See Donovan Mcnabb, Lamar Odom, Alexander Semin, Dimitar Berbatov, etc.

Furthermore, I am sure that almost every athlete is overcome with a rabid competitive fervor that urges them to bite and punch their opponents, however, the majority have a mental filter that tells them punching and biting is crappy behaviour and not acceptable.

In my mind Luis Suarez lacks this behavioural ability. When his instincts tell him to bite, he bites. When his instincts tell him to cheat, he cheats. When his instincts tell him to steal money while he’s playing Monopoly with his friends, he probably does that too.

His actions are not the best thing for football or even the world of sport, in fact they are deplorable, but he is not the first, and in all likelihood, he will not be the last to behave this way. If anything, his latest stunt has simply embarrassed himself and his team even more and definitively placed him in a unique club of athletes that were incredibly talented, but just a little too crazy to be considered normal, or even sane. Before, he was on the cusp, but now, he’s definitely in.